Random Thoughts

Ok, I think I'm going to try this again. I just need a place to write out my thoughts. Hopefully, no one pays attention to me. :) I'm finishing up college now. A lot has changed since I posted before... my sweet baby has grown and changed so much. Since her thrush diagnosis, she's been relatively healthy. Her immune system is apparently really good, except when it's not. She doesn't even get colds or anything, but her last ear infection set off a cascade of illnesses that spanned an entire MONTH. I can't believe we didn't leave the house for so long. It was awful... but she's back to being healthy now. She'll start kindergarten at the real school this August. I can't believe she's so OLD now. She's such an old soul, though, sometimes it's hard to believe she's so young.

Anyway, like I said, I'm finishing up college. I returned as a senior and will graduate in December. It has been a really long year. I'm doing good, but I'm so stressed. Working is SO MUCH EASIER than school! I really have enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Going back as one of the oldest was scary, VERY scary... but... the girls have been wonderful! This really is what I was meant to do. Every time I step into a classroom, I feel like I belong. I can't wait to teach. I thought I would be a stay at home mom forever, but B really needs to be with other children, and I need to teach. I will do this as long as God has planned for me. Hopefully, I'm learning to trust His perfect timing. It is so hard.

I guess that's what has me blogging today. It's a timing thing for me, I know it is. Getting B here was one of the most challenging things I have ever been through in my life. It was difficult emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually-- everything. I know it changed me. I'm stronger, more sensitive, more loving, more grateful, (lol, and not as healthy), as before. Now, though, every time I think about more children, I think, I can't do that. I can't put my body through another pregnancy. DH really wants us to... he loves babies. I don't feel like another pregnancy is for me. I feel led to have more children, but not by me... does that make sense? I keep telling him that I think God wants us to adopt. I think B is meant to be a middle child. LOL. I think that scares DH even more. I don't think older children is something he's ever thought about. We could probably adopt a million babies and he would be ok, but it's the idea of an older child that worries him, I think, but that's where I feel led. I guess I will just continue to pray and see what direction God leads him in... he is the head of our family, so if it's meant to be, God will lead him there. I just pray whatever the answer that I am prepared for it. Or if B's meant to be an only child, I pray I'm ok with that, too. She's good as an only.